Will you ever be completely mine?
by Alainne1
Summary: Taichi finally has Chihaya in his arms but he never wanted it to happen under such cruel circumstances.


_I've waited for so long. I've invested so much. I've dedicated my whole life… to Chihaya. All those years of Karuta – I never did any of that for myself. My goal was never to be the Meijin. My goal was to be the Meijin so that Chihaya would acknowledge me. I played Karuta to be able to be with Chihaya. I dedicated my youth and trained myself madly just to be with her. SO WHY DID IT HAVE TO GO LIKE THIS?_

Taichi was standing next to a hospital bed. His arms were tightly curled around the girl of his dreams. He could feel Chihaya's weight slumped against him – her feet couldn't carry her anymore without Taichi's help. Her breathing was ragged and heavy and her eyes puffed after crying for hours. But she didn't cry anymore. She was all out of tears.

They were the last two left in the hospital ward. Soon a nurse would come and tell them to leave. Everyone else had left already, leaving behind colorful flowers and cards. Chihaya wouldn't leave unless somebody forced her. _What's the use of all the flowers?_ Taichi found himself thinking.

Chihaya started sobbing again and Taichi instinctively pressed her head against his chest. He wanted to tell her it was going to be alright but there was no way he could do that. It wasn't going to be alright.

Taichi forced himself to face the hospital bed once again. Arata lied under the covers breathing peacefully. His mouth and nose were covered with a transparent mask that was connected to a large breathing apparatus. It made tiny constant beeps along with the other machinery in the room. All the machines were connected to Arata with wires and tubes. Taichi swallowed with difficulty.

Without his glasses on, Arata didn't look like himself. Taichi glanced at the glasses on the small table next to the bed. A painful memory stroke through his head. _Would I still steal his glasses if it made me look better?_ he asked from himself and shook his head slightly. _I wouldn't. I don't want to be that coward anymore._ The feeling of Chihaya's weight was heavy against him. She was almost asleep already. She felt so good there, on his arms. Her thin waist, her tickly hair, her soft sobs that were slowly transforming into snores… Taichi planted a soft kiss on Chihaya's forehead. He couldn't help himself. It felt so much like the right thing to do but at the same time he could feel his insides turn in disgust. _How is this not stealing, Taichi?_ a voice in his head asked. _Do you think you're any less of a coward now? You're stealing Chihaya now when Arata is in coma!_

Taichi felt a lump growing in his throat. It wasn't his fault! He hadn't plan this. The whole accident… He had nothing to do with it! Taichi felt tears in his eyes. Up to this moment he had stayed strong for Chihaya to lean on, but now when Chihaya was almost asleep in his arms, his strength was leaving him. He lurched back but there was a chair behind him to catch him. Pressing Chihaya still tightly against his chest, he slumped into the chair. _How can I enjoy holding Chihaya like this when a friend, our friend, is fighting for his life in front of me? I'm the worst kind of person._

The accident had come suddenly just like accidents always do. He had run into Chihaya by chance in the train on his way home and Chihaya had asked him to walk with her. She had been very quiet at first but finally stuttered embarrassedly the words:

"Taichi, please come back to the Karuta club. I can't do it without you."

Before Taichi could come up with any kind of answer, there had been a call to Chihaya's cell phone. The two of them had frozen to their places listening to the childish melody playing. Finally Chihaya had answered. Taichi had watched as Chihaya's eyes first widened in horror and then started to fill with tears. She had tumbled on her knees in front of him and slouched her head.

"Arata…" She had said with a tiny, fragile voice. "Arata has been in an accident."

"An accident?"

"A car accident. He's in a hospital and his condition is critical."

Under the bright lights of the hospital room Taichi let his tears get buried in Chihaya's hair. He only saw blurred shades of white behind his tears and heard the cold beeps of the hospital apparatuses. He burrowed his face in Chihaya's hair and pressed her tightly against him. They sat there, hugging each other, until the nurse finally came.

It was already dark outside of the East Fukui Hospital. Chihaya was barely awake when Taichi led her to a taxi. He searched his pockets for a piece of paper and read the address to the driver. He was so tired but he wanted stay strong for Chihaya. He was responsible for her, alone in a strange city. He had always felt he was responsible for her.

The taxi left them in front of a regular looking house. Taichi had seen the house once before. _Wataya_ , he read the sign next to the door. When Chihaya and Taichi had appeared to the hospital room, Arata's parents had immediately offered their house for them to stay for the night.

Taichi pressed the doorbell still supporting Chihaya with his other arm.

"Good, you're here," Arata's father said the moment she opened the door. "We were just leaving for the hospital. We will both spend the night there."

Taichi watched as Arata's mother hurried towards the door. Her red eyes were filled with pain and suffering.

"Thank you for letting us stay for the night," Taichi said bowing slightly.

"It's nothing, it's nothing," the father replied absentmindedly, and with a loud thump of the door and a silently humming sound of a car motor they were gone.

In the silent house, Taichi felt like an intruder. It was Arata's house. He could feel Arata's presence in the walls. The dark walls pressed closer to him and Arata's eyes were watching him. Taichi didn't want to stay in this house but he had no choice. Chihaya mumbled something inaudible into his T-shirt and he remembered his responsibility to take care of her. He carried her upstairs into Arata's room and gently put her on the bed. Chihaya's eyes were closed and her breathing started to calm down. Taichi kept stroking her hair as he sit on the bed side. Chihaya was so beautiful. He didn't want to leave the room but he knew he had to. He had to get some sleep too.

Taichi rose up and reached for the door knob when Chihaya's panicked voice carried to his ears.

"Don't go!"

Startled, Taichi looked back and saw how Chihaya was now sitting on the bed, frantically clinging on the bedsheet.

"I'm just going downstairs. I won't be far," he said trying to sound as reassuring as possible.

"Don't go! Don't leave me!"

"I need to get some sleep too, Chihaya. I'll be just downstairs, sleeping on the couch."

"Stay with me! Don't go!" she repeated and reached her hand towards Taichi.

Taichi sat back down on the bedside and Chihaya hugged him forcefully. She sobbed into his shirt and pulled him towards her.

"It's okay, it's okay… I'm here for you, Chihaya."

"Stay with me for the night," Chihaya sobbed. "Don't leave me now. I'm so lonely without you…"

"Chihaya…"

Chihaya raised her teary eyes towards Taichi. Eyes full of fear and sadness. Fear of him going away. Chihaya wanted him to stay with her. Why did it have to happen like this? He planted a soft kiss on her hair and closed his eyes. _Why is this happening in such horrid circumstances? Why couldn't I win Chihaya over in a fair fight? Why am I still such a coward…_

Taichi shot his eyes open when he felt Chihaya move. Her eyes were now leveled with his and they were only inches away. He felt her breath on his lips just before Chihaya's lips reached him. He was baffled and couldn't move. He wanted to reach her head with his arms and caress her hair when kissing her back but his body was frozen. Chihaya, Chihaya with whom he had been in love with his whole life, was finally kissing him but he couldn't kiss her back. Not now and not in here of all of places. Not in Arata's room when Arata was lying in the hospital.

"Taichi…" Chihaya's voice was soft in his ears. "Taichi… Thank you for always taking care of me. You always got my back. Thank you…"

Chihaya closed her eyes and her body fell back towards the bed. Taichi caught her and gently placed her head on the pillow.

"Taichi… I love you, so don't go," Chihaya mumbled.

Taichi stared at her with his eyes wide open. Was she still awake when she said the words? Would she remember saying them tomorrow? After everything that had happened today, were the words really meant for him? His heartbeat started calming down only after he was sure Chihaya was asleep. He laid down on the bed and listened to her breathing. Chihaya's arms were tightly curled around his chest and when Taichi lifted his feet on the bed Chihaya's feet got instantly tangled with them.

It felt insanely good to have Chihaya so close and to have her depending on him so much. It felt insanely good, but Taichi couldn't enjoy it. _Why did life have to turn out like this? I have fought so hard to reach this moment. My whole life… I have dedicated my whole life to Chihaya and now she finally confessed her love to me._

In the darkness of the room he could feel Arata watching them. Was he mad or sad? Taichi cursed his life and their tangled destinies.

 _I finally have Chihaya in my arms but she's still partly yours, Arata. Will I ever be able to make her completely mine?_


End file.
